Progress
by JamesLuver
Summary: S02E03. Anna and John's conversation after the pub scene.


**A/N:** Prompted by anon on Tumblr.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

_Progress_

John's mind was still spinning with the words that had been spoken in the last few minutes. She had offered to be his mistress. To throw away all of her prospects just to be with him. He didn't think that he'd ever loved her more, even as it broke his heart to hear. Her selflessness was something that he would never be able to fully understand. It only made her more beautiful.

"What time do you finish work?" she asked him softly after a few minutes. She hadn't made any attempt to remove her hand; she was seemingly very content to have hers cradled gently between both of his.

He glanced back at the clock that hung over the bar. "In half an hour. It's my early shift today."

She nodded, suddenly shy. "Perhaps…perhaps I could wait for you."

Wait for what? To wait until he'd finished so that she could try to convince him that taking her as his mistress would be a good idea? To coax him into taking her back to his room? He would be lying if he said that he hadn't been tempted to say yes. To know Anna in that way would be the most wonderful experience of his life. But he wouldn't do it. Not like that. He wouldn't dishonour her. He couldn't give her much, but he would give her a wedding ring before they made love. He would keep her respectable in the eyes of society.

Anna must have noticed the torment in his expression. "I'd like to take a quick walk with you before I have to go."

A walk, nothing more. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply. Thank God for that. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to resist the temptation if she had got him completely alone. At least if they were out in the open, things wouldn't be able to go too far.

"I'd like that," he said softly. "Will you wait here?"

She shook her head. "I'll come back. I need to clear my head alone first, I think."

He nodded in understanding. The whole experience had been overwhelming for him, too. Gently, he raised her gloved hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles quickly. He was aware that others were staring, but he couldn't help it. He had been so long without her touch. Suddenly, he felt alive again. Her eyes had slid closed. He wished that they could stay like this. But they couldn't. Gently, he released her hand. She opened her eyes. He offered her a soft smile and stood.

"I'll see you in half an hour," he said quietly.

She nodded. "I'll be waiting."

* * *

It was the longest half-hour of his life, but finally it was time to go home. He bid a quick goodbye to the other workers, then slipped out. The heavy fumes of beer often made his head ache. Sometimes, they tempted him terribly. But this afternoon he had barely noticed them, his thoughts too filled with Anna.

She was waiting for him, as promised, by the bus stop. He hurried towards her as fast as he could, coming to a rest in front of her. For a moment, the silence was awkward, with neither of them knowing quite what to say. And then she was reaching out to hold his hand, and everything was right in the world. Still no words were exchanged as she led him from that place, into the little wooded area that was just across the road. They wouldn't be disturbed there. John enjoyed the way that their fingers had twined together as he walked along beside her, the most natural action in the world. He could hear every rustle of every leaf, every chirp of every bird. The world had suddenly burst back into life. Since leaving her, it had been dead to him. Now, everything was so bright. And it was all down to her.

At last, they came to a pause. Anna turned back towards him.

"I can't stay much longer," she told him softly. "Mrs. Hughes will be expecting me back in a couple of hours."

"I know," he reassured her quickly. "I wouldn't expect you to be late."

"But there are a few things that I want to say before I leave."

"Of course."

His heart was pounding a sickening beat in his chest. Was she regretting her decision to seek him out? Was she going to tell him that it was all too much, that she couldn't bear to wait for him any longer? He wouldn't blame her if she was. He had lost his right to her when he had broken her heart. It would destroy him completely if that was what she wanted to say, but he wouldn't try to stop her. She deserved better than what he could offer her – vague promises and uncertainty.

"I won't pretend to understand or agree with what you did," she continued. "You hurt me so much, Mr. Bates. I'm not sure if you truly understand what your leaving did to me."

He felt sick with grief. "I was a fool, Anna. A complete and utter fool."

She accepted this unsmilingly. "And I want you to trust me with whatever it is that made you leave in the first place. I think I deserve that."

"Of course you do," he sighed. "I just can't. Not today."

"Next time, then," she said decisively, and his heart leapt despite what she was replying to.

"Next time?" he said tentatively.

"Yes, next time," she said. "Do you think you can start to get Wednesday afternoons off?"

"I can try," he replied. "I can certainly try." Inside, his heart was expanding across his chest. He felt moisture behind his eyes, and blinked it away quickly. She hadn't changed her mind. She still wanted to see him. She still wanted him. He vowed to himself that he would do whatever he could to make her happy, in whatever small way that he could achieve it.

"Good," she said. "Because I intend to visit you every half-day that I get."

To have the promise of her face to look forward to at the end of a long week. To have the assurance of seeing her smile when the darkness threatened to overcome him. He could think of nothing better.

"I'm still angry with you," she said. "I feel hurt that you didn't think that you could talk to me about whatever made you leave. But if I've learned anything from your absence, it's that I can't bear to be without you. I love you so much it hurts, but I want us to use our time together looking to the future, not dwelling on the past."

How was it that this beautiful, strong woman was his? How was any of it possible?

"I deserve your anger," he said quietly. "I deserve to be told that you want nothing more to do with me. But I won't lie. It makes me so relieved to know that you don't want to cut me out of your life. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so very much."

She accepted his words quietly, and he stepped closer to her.

"Anna?" he breathed. "Can I kiss you?"

He half-expected her to reject him, to tell him that it was too soon and she wasn't ready for it, but she nodded almost at once. He dropped his cane to the floor and tenderly tipped her chin back with his fingers. He could see the emotion glittering in her eyes, and swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Anna brought her spare hand up to stroke tentatively against his jacket. He dipped his head to hers.

The first contact between their mouths was uncertain. John kept his eyes firmly closed, afraid that if he opened them, Anna would melt away before his eyes – because surely this had to be a dream, surely he wasn't really kissing her, out here in the woods. Any minute, he would awaken in his cramped quarters back over the rundown bakery, cold and alone.

Thankfully, it became even more realistic when Anna took the plunge and opened her mouth. He was unable to resist his tongue sliding out and into her mouth, and his senses exploded at the taste of her. She tasted like cheap cider, a foreign taste when it came to her, but no less alluring. Only then, with the feel of her tongue against his, did he move to hold her properly, anchoring a hand to the small of her back, pushing her gently against him, his other hand palming her face. Anna's own hand came up tentatively, resting against the back of his neck, pulling him closer, the other still clinging to his jacket, as if she feared that she would collapse if she couldn't hold on to him.

At last, they parted, panting for breath. John leaned down and rested his forehead tenderly against hers, peering into her eyes. She stroked the back of his neck devotedly, pressing a kiss against his nose.

"I love you, Mr. Bates," she breathed.

"I know. I love you too. So much."

He kissed her properly again, and they remained locked together for quite some time, until Anna broke away with a sigh, peering at the pocket watch that hung from its chain inside his jacket.

"I need to get going," she said. "I'll miss the bus otherwise."

That would be a terrible situation. If she missed the bus, she would have to stay with him. And he wouldn't be able to trust himself in such circumstances. It was better that she left now. They had made enough progress for today. Just knowing that she still loved him and wanted him was certainly enough. Gently, he offered her his arm. She took it. Just for the moment, they were proper lovers, out for a stroll on a beautiful afternoon.

They waited together at the bus stop for fifteen minutes before it trundled along. Then John kissed her cheek softly and helped her aboard. She waved at him as the bus pulled away, and he waved back, feeling lost already now that she had left his side.

Wednesday afternoon couldn't come quick enough.


End file.
